Current Mummers Play


Denise wrote this for Clerical Error, based on Denbigh legends. It has been performed all over the place, and even on TV.

The Main Players


Prince Paradise
Open the door. Clear the way and let us in
I hope your favour we shall win
Whether we rise or stand or fall
We'll do our best to please you all.
But room, brave gallants, make room!
Or Megan will belt you with her broom
You'll find it hard to forget this day
Once you've seen our heroic play
The greatest act on any stage!
But room, brave gallants, room I will require
Enter Megan, and show thy face like fire.
Megan enters
Megan
Here I am; fair Megan!
Fair Megan is my name!
In Denbigh town I've lived my life
By the castle of great fame
Denbigh was a peaceful town
Now it's people live in fear
A fierce fire-breathing dragon
Has made its home right here
It attacks and eats our people
Chews them up and spits them out
By day, by night, our people leave
They lament, they wail, the shout

Enter Bold Gareth
Bold Gareth
In come I, a valiant soldier
Bold Gareth is my name
From Ysceifiog village I sprang and came
With sword and buckler by my side
I hope to win the game
I've searched the castle round and round
If I kill the Dragon, I'll be the greatest man in Wales to be found!
Prince Paradise
The Dragon is here, ready at hand
I'll fetch him at thy command
If you can't believe me what I say
Step in, dread dragon, and show me the way!

Dragon enters fiercely
Bold Gareth
Bold Gareth is my name, and that Bold I will make good
And Dragon, from thy body, I'll draw thy fiendish blood
Your aspect is most hideous!
Your breath is foul and fierce!
But I, Bold Gareth, fine and brave,
Will soon your thick skin pierce!
Bold Gareth prances around with his sword, making lunges at the Dragon, who casually avoids him. Eventually, a little bored, the Dragon stands very cool, arms folded, breathes smoke at Bold Gareth, who drops to the ground.
Megan
O cursed Dragon! What hast thou done?
Thou hast slain my only son!
Prince Paradise
Now, Sir John of the Thumbs,
Denbigh knight of high renown
Stands with his bright sword at the door
And swears to hew the Dragon down
Sir John enters
Sir John
I am Sir John, that valiant knight!
Who lost his blood for Cymru's right!
Whose famous courage throughout this land doth ring
Of my exploits, minstrels sing!
'Twas I that brought the fierce Griffin to the slaughter,
And by that means, I won the King of Egypt's daughter.
'Twas I that slew the seven Turkey brethren,
But for them I did not care,
For through their hearts I ran my glittering sword and spear
This Dragon is my enemy
I'll quickly end thy life
I'll crop thy wings, thou shalt not fly
This sword shall end thy strife
Prince Paradise
Strike up, Sir John, it must be so
The horriblest battle that 'ere was known
They fight. Sir John eventually kills the Dragon. All cheer
Megan
Sir John a great deed thou's done there,
But the Dragon's killed my son and heir
Can't you see him bleeding there?
Sir John
His wounds are mortal, call for a Doctor
Megan
I'll give five pounds for a Doctor
Prince Paradise
Five pounds for a Doctor!

Enter the Doctor
Doctor
I am a Doctor, and a Doctor so good
And with this hand I'll staunch his blood
Megan
What cures can you cure?
Doctor
I carry spells and pills to cure all diseases,
Ladies and Gentlemen, take my word just as you pleases.
I can cure the itch, the pitch, the palsy, pox and gout,
The pain within, and the pain without
Sir John
How far have you travelled, noble Doctor?
Doctor
To all the parts that thou canst name.
Prestatyn, Wrexham, Rhyl and er... on holiday to Spain
Here, bach, take one of my nip-naps,
This will cure your collapse
And since thou hast been wrongly slain,
Rise up and fight the Dragon again
Gareth
O horrible. O ach y fi. The like was never seen
A man knocked from his seven senses into seventeen
Megan
My son! My son!
Doctor
Ladies and Gentlemen, you see I have brought this man safe and sound
As well as any man on Yscefiog/Denbigh (etc) ground
Gareth
But I wanted to slay the Dragon! Me!
Megan
But this brave man
Sir John
Sir John of the Thumbs
Megan
He slew him!
Gareth
My head is made of brass
My body is made of steel
I wanted to kill the dragon
You interfering heel!
Draw out thy sword and fight!
Prince Paradise
Steady on, there
Megan
But, son..
Sir John
Who is this fool, who before me stands?
I'll cut him down with sword in hand
Prince Paradise
Put up your swords and be at rest
For peace and quietness is the best
For here enters Old Beelzebub

Enter Beelzebub
Beelzebub
Here comes one, that never came ye!
All fighting fools I'm out to get
Such company I want, and such I crave
Shall I take you both with me, down to the grave?
Bold Gareth and Sir John put away their swords
Beelzebub
Here am I, old Beelzebub
Over my shoulder I carry a club
In my hand a small dripping pan
Don't you think I'm a jolly old man?
All
No!
Prince Paradise
Now Ladies and Gentlemen, our play has ended
We hope that none have been offended
Now our actors are all dumb
From you, our watchers, praise must come
Wild applause as everyone sings a song and exits